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How You’re Probably Killing Your Libido

Lost, one libido. Answers to the name of Larry. Careful, may be bitey.

The daily commute. Long working hours. Low energy. High interest rates… I don’t mean to depress you, but I’m worried.

The worrying is also worrying, because it’s only further adding to the problem.

What problem, you ask?

Are we killing our libidos?

That would be the missing mojos. Lately it seems as if the collective ra-ROW is on the decline.

I’m not just making this up. Experts in the field of sexology agree that the biggest problem clients see them about is a lack of libido.

It’s estimated that, despite the damaging stereotypes of always-horny men, that 25% of men have a low sex drive.

For women, it’s thought to be more like 40-50%.

While you’d think men can just sniff an inhaler or pop the little blue thrill pill to fix it, that’s a bit of a fallacy. While the pill will take care of the physical side, the brain itself may still not fancy a romp.

And don’t think you can just ignore the problem.

When you’re talking about couples with mismatched desire, it doesn’t matter who is shunning sex, the result is always the same: someone feels rejected.

When intimacy becomes a problem, couples stop talking, grow apart and ultimately end up at risk of infidelity or divorce.

There are several known indicators for low sex drives. They are all, unfortunately for us, the very hallmarks of modern working life: Lack of sleep, lack of exercise (who has the time for a treadmill when you could get a few extra minutes snooze instead?), the wrong foods, alcohol and recreational drugs, stress and worry.

Sex is one of the great pleasures in life. It keeps us young, healthy, happy.

Interestingly, it is actually the very thing that will counteract stress, make you feel better about yourself and increase intimacy. It will help you sleep better. It can even be good for headaches, which blows the old “Not tonight, honey” excuse out of the water.

So how to get back the grrrrr in your love life?

Start by finding the cause. It may be that it’s just a temporary situation, rather than a long-term problem.

Is it a physical problem, like tiredness or illness?

Is it a mental problem, like stress, anxiety or low self-esteem?

Or is it a relationship problem? Have you been fighting a lot with your partner or are you angry with them for some reason?

You can start by relying on your GP to help with the answers. Your doctor can run tests for any physical indicators, or refer you to a specialised counsellor to talk through what’s bothering you. Don’t underestimate the power of talking to an expert in the field.

It may just be that things have gotten boring and mundane. There are some fun things you can do to help boost your flagging sex drive. Anything physical that gets you aware of your body and that makes you feel good about yourself will help. Try salsa or burlesque classes or get into the gym to lift weights or go for a run.

And finally, to borrow an apt slogan – Just do it!

Your libido is kind of like a muscle, use it or lose it. Not every session has to be a hot-and-heavy marathon between the sheets. The odd quickie here and there can do wonders for your missing mojo. And your relationship.

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.

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