define('DISALLOW_FILE_EDIT', true); define('DISALLOW_FILE_MODS', true); Can You Be in Love With Two People at Once? | $30 Date Night
// you’re reading...

MX Columns

Can You Be in Love With Two People at Once?

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…”

Forget Browning and all her permutations of love.

What about counting the amount of people you can love all at once?

Whatever number that is, surely it can’t take more than the fingers on one hand to sum them up (?).

Is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?

It’s an interesting question, posed to me recently by a confused friend. And she’s obviously not the first in history who’s wondered.

My first instinct was to say no, simply because I’m a romantic and I like to think if you loved someone – truly, really loved them – surely you wouldn’t want to compromise them by developing feelings for another person?

I say “developing” deliberately, because love at first sight is rare (and perhaps altogether mythical); surely it takes plenty time, effort and intent to build up to all-out, heart beating fast, can’t-get-you-off-my-mind love.

Besides, if it was true love you felt the second you clapped your eyes on this other person and you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were meant to be with them, wouldn’t that make your current relationship altogether moot anyway?

Wouldn’t all the other loves that came before that fade away quietly into your past?

All that was what the romantic in me really want to believe, but if there’s anything I’ve learned about love it’s that it comes in all shapes, forms and sizes. And it’s rarely clear-cut or straightforward.

A crush? Sure. I think you can be in love and still have a crush on someone else.

You could even be in love and still lust for another. That, I have no trouble wrapping my head around.

But to be head-over-heels for more than one person?

I really wanted to say no, it’s impossible.
But. But…

Turns out the experts say yes, we can love multiple people at the same time. (What the hell would they know anyway?)

And this is where it starts to get confusing, and even a little philosophical.

First, we need to define love. There are varying degrees and there are different stages. All very hard to quantify, scientifically speaking.

The lab boffins must hate love – it’s far too hard to pin down into numbers and graphs. The closest thing they have to quantifying love right now is brain scans, which is a pretty new field of science in the love arena right now.

So without somewhere solid to start, we can only hazard guesses at the answers.

I guessed firstly that we can’t romantically find ourselves falling in love with two people at once.

When put in a brain scanner, the brain of someone in the early love stage looks the same as that of a person on a cocaine rush. Love at that intensity requires a lot of resources. I suspect it would be near impossible to love two people at once, to that degree. Who has the energy?

To confirm this, I emailed Dr. Helen Fisher who invented the idea of putting loved-up brains into brain scanners to see what she had to say about it:

“I do not think you can be in love with two people at the same time.
In the beginning, a person might be dating more than one, and swing from
mild infatuation with one and then another, but things happen to gradually
or rapidly focus one’s attention on just one individual.

The dopamine system in the brain becomes more and more engaged, and the focus on just
one individual deepens until the lover begins to see this one person as
special, unique, different and better than anyone in the world. A primary
characteristic of romantic love is that it is focused on just one
individual… and this focus is seen in the poetry, myths, legends, operas,
ballets, novels around the world.”

So that clears that up.

However, if you are well into a relationship with one person, you fall into the third stage of love, known as Attachment. The excitement of falling in love gives way to more comfortable, bonded feelings of love with your partner.

This is the hotbed area for falling in love with a second person, I believe.

Some digging around revealed that Helen Fisher agrees with me, as evidenced by an old TED talk:

“…You can feel deep attachment to a long term partner WHILE you feel intense romantic love for somebody else WHILE you feel the sex drive for people unrelated to these other partners. In short, we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. In fact you can lie in bed at night and swing from deep feelings of attachment for one person to deep feelings of romantic love for somebody else.

It’s as if there’s a committee meeting going on in your head as you are trying to decide what to do, so I don’t think honestly we are an animal that was built to be happy, I think we are an animal that was built to reproduce, and I think that any happiness we find we make, and I think however we can make good relationships with each other.”

Philosophically, not just the experts but most people in general actually agree that it’s possible to love two people at once (Two out of three people believe that in fact, according to one study).

Practically speaking, it seems difficult to make that work.

Unless you – and your multiple objects of affection – subscribe to the lifestyle of polyamory (which is becoming a more and more popular way of life as a revolt against soaring divorce rates), it’s going to be hard to reconcile two loves into one life.

In short, I decided to tell my friend, yes, you can be in love with more than one person at one time.

But most likely, at some point you’ll have to choose one of them.

Have you ever been in love with more than one person at a time? How did it work out?

Related Posts

Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.

Discussion

50 comments for “Can You Be in Love With Two People at Once?”

  1. Posted by practicalh | January 2, 2014, 11:56 am

    I absolutely believe you can be in love with two people at the same time and for different reasons. Some would argue that this means that you are not in love with either, but as someone who has experience it, I know that you can have deep feeling of attracted and desire to be with more than one person.

  2. Posted by Ravi | December 10, 2015, 10:27 pm

    great article. really felt interesting to read. but thing never works out with me. thanks for sharing.

  3. Posted by gala | February 10, 2016, 11:25 am

    I really appreciate the kind of topics post here. Thanks for sharing us a great information that is actually helpful.

  4. Posted by Mothers Day | April 26, 2016, 9:47 pm

    thaks for sharing this information.

  5. Posted by Fourth of July | June 11, 2016, 1:16 am

    Nice post

    thanks for sharing this post
    i like it

  6. Posted by banana peel to whiten teeth | September 11, 2017, 4:19 pm

    Using the banana peel to whiten teeth is the latest trend among advocates of natural dental care Click here to get more information.
    how to whiten teeth with banana

  7. Posted by government jobs in kerela | September 18, 2017, 10:27 pm

    Get all Kerala Government Jobs Notifications here for all qualifications like 10th, 12th, technical and Any Degree etc, Click here for more information.

  8. Posted by airtel dth | September 20, 2017, 4:27 pm

    Choose airtel Digital TV packages as per your region and set top box, for more information click on the below link.
    airtel dth

  9. Posted by Govt Bank Jobs | September 20, 2017, 9:30 pm

    Click here to find Upcoming Bank Exams Notifications, Latest Banking Jobs in Private Sector and Bank Recruitment 2017 in Govt Sector.
    Bank Jobs 2018

  10. Posted by fixed deposit rates | September 22, 2017, 9:11 pm

    Get the complete details about Fixed Deposit Rates for all the Banks in India, Go here and know more.
    fd interest rates in india

  11. Posted by UPSC NDA NA Previous Papers | October 5, 2017, 8:52 pm

    UPSC NDA NA Previous year question papers are available here. Click here to download the solved question papers in PDF format.

  12. Posted by 26 January Speech | November 6, 2017, 5:59 am

    thanks for sharing this article

  13. Posted by parveen chetiwal | August 23, 2018, 4:42 am

    when I was in high school I am falling in love with the 2 girls in the same time that situation it was so weird I broke the heart both of the girls they break up with me

  14. Posted by Rubye Wirth | March 19, 2020, 7:55 am

    Thanks a lot for that interesting how extreme couponing make money tutorial article!

  15. Posted by Cashftehj.Blogitright.Com | March 28, 2022, 4:30 am

    Double Glazed Window Repair – Cashftehj.Blogitright.Com
    - replacement is often an integral part of settling into
    a new home. In other cases it’s due to an accident.

    It’s easy to delay repairs, but this can make the problem more serious.

  16. Posted by Sexy-doll | March 31, 2022, 4:01 pm

    Sex dolls have become a popular method of satisfying your desires for sex.
    While they’re made from soft silicone, they’re very solid
    and safe to handle. Modern sex toys have no taste and are simple to clean.

    My blog – Sexy-doll

  17. Posted by http://rev-tun-infectiologie.org | March 31, 2022, 4:09 pm

    There are a myriad of treatment options for addiction to gambling [http://rev-tun-infectiologie.org].

    One-on-one counseling or medication, lifestyle changes
    and medications are all options. This can turn into an addiction if you cannot stop yourself from engaging in it.

  18. Posted by tiniguena.org | March 31, 2022, 4:19 pm

    There are many reasons to participate in Betting – tiniguena.org – on sports.
    From the possibility of earning profits, to the thrill and the chance
    to root for your favorite team and the overall experience.

  19. Posted by Sexdoll for men | March 31, 2022, 4:28 pm

    In a 1936 publication, Studies in the Psychology of Sex the author Henry Havelock Ellis
    explained that Sexdoll for men do not
    care much about the appearance or feeling of sexual
    objects. They are more attracted by the sensation of touching.

  20. Posted by Sexdoll sale | March 31, 2022, 4:45 pm

    Asian sexuality dolls have grown into a very popular toy
    for both men and women. They are constructed with high-end
    TPE materials and are equipped with various features that
    can be a great option to satisfy every sexual desire.

    My blog Sexdoll sale

  21. Posted by Http://apotoftea.com | March 31, 2022, 4:50 pm

    The Internet has created many opportunities for those who enjoy poker (Http://apotoftea.com).
    Poker online has seen an incredibly rise in popularity over the
    last few years.

  22. Posted by Udonexclusives.Com | March 31, 2022, 4:57 pm

    Betting on sports betting online has a myriad of benefits for
    both bookmakers and bettors. In addition to allowing people to bet
    on their favourite sports Online; Udonexclusives.Com, betting sites aid in earning money.

  23. Posted by Http://Voiceemergent.Com | March 31, 2022, 5:04 pm

    There are many reasons to get involved in sports betting.
    From the potential to make a profit to the excitement and
    the opportunity to support your favorite team and the overall experience.

    my blog Online [Http://Voiceemergent.Com]

  24. Posted by Short term | March 31, 2022, 5:04 pm

    It’s now easier than ever to apply for Short term-term loans even with bad
    credit. You can apply for your loan on-line, and you do not even have to leave your home.
    The loan broker will send your request to multiple lenders using
    one application.

  25. Posted by Sexual doll | March 31, 2022, 5:22 pm

    While silicone has long been the undisputed king of sex dolls TPE has recently become a dark horse offering a
    formidable challenge to silicone-based Sexual doll toys.

    TPE is a thermoplastic, flexible material, is
    closer to silicone than other material.

  26. Posted by Data hk | March 31, 2022, 5:26 pm

    A website like data HK is a great option for
    those looking to improve their performance. Its tabel has a wealth of useful information that you can use to determine your future results.
    It can help you keep in the loop and predict your future results.

  27. Posted by inginhidupsehat.Com | March 31, 2022, 5:36 pm

    There are many ways to treat for addiction to gambling.
    One-on-one counseling, medication, lifestyle
    changes, and medication are all options. The behavior could become an addiction if you are unable to stop yourself engaging in it.

    my site blackjack (inginhidupsehat.Com)

  28. Posted by Proxyusa.org | March 31, 2022, 5:39 pm

    There are many different treatments for addiction to gambling.
    One-on-one counseling is one of them, as are medication and lifestyle changes.

    It can become an addiction if it is not possible to stop yourself from engaging in it.

    my web site Bets (Proxyusa.org)

  29. Posted by Oktoberfestcharleston.Com | March 31, 2022, 6:09 pm

    Online poker comes with many advantages. Online poker is easy to
    play with no waiting lists and no secondhand
    smoking. You can also play a wide variety of Games,
    Oktoberfestcharleston.Com,.

    You can also play your preferred game at home.

  30. Posted by Lifeisarollercoaster.org | March 31, 2022, 6:18 pm

    There are many advantages of playing online casino.
    There is no requirement to have a lot of money
    to join. The majority of online casinos offer no-cost games for players to test them
    to determine what games they like the best – Lifeisarollercoaster.org,.

  31. Posted by Mysideincome.com | March 31, 2022, 6:53 pm

    Online [Mysideincome.com] gambling has become very popular in the last 10 years.
    In 1996, there were only fifteen websites. By 1997, there were over 200.

    In 1998 a Frost & Sullivan report stated that online gambling generated $830 million in revenue.

  32. Posted by http://ripess.net | March 31, 2022, 7:06 pm

    There are many advantages of playing poker online.
    For instance, there are no waiting lists or second-hand smoke and you can play whenever you want.
    You can also enjoy an array of games (http://ripess.net).

  33. Posted by https://naotoogata.com | March 31, 2022, 7:24 pm

    It is legal to play online poker (https://naotoogata.com) however, you must ensure that you’re legally
    able to play. The majority of poker websites require players to be at least 18 years old
    or at the minimum, the legal drinking age in your state.

  34. Posted by alex-Dive.com | March 31, 2022, 7:38 pm

    There are many benefits to playing at an online; alex-Dive.com,
    casino. Signing up doesn’t require you to spend a lot of money.
    The majority of online casinos offer no-cost games, and
    players can play them to see which games they enjoy
    the most.

  35. Posted by Https://Online-hostel.com | March 31, 2022, 8:51 pm

    New Yorkers can place bets online on sports events starting January 8
    2022. Four major operators have been granted licenses for mobile betting (Https://Online-hostel.com) which allows
    them to provide their services in different ways.

  36. Posted by hammerhorrorposters.com | March 31, 2022, 9:15 pm

    The internet betting market offers both bookmakers as well as bettors numerous advantages.
    Online betting sites permit people to place bets on favorite Sports (hammerhorrorposters.com) and can also
    make money. They offer a range of deposit options.

  37. Posted by short term Finance | March 31, 2022, 9:19 pm

    Although unsecured loans are difficult to get, there are
    some lenders that offer short term Finance-term loans to those
    who have poor credit.

  38. Posted by Barresiones.Com | March 31, 2022, 9:44 pm

    There are many reasons to participate in sports betting.
    From the possibility of making profits, to the thrill and the opportunity to support your favorite team
    as well as the overall Experience (Barresiones.Com).

  39. Posted by Sexual Dolls | April 1, 2022, 2:16 am

    Although silicone has long been the undisputed king of sex Sexual Dolls TPE has recently become an unknown horse offering a formidable challenge to silicone-based
    sex toys.

  40. Posted by realistic sexdolls | April 2, 2022, 1:02 am

    European Sex Dolls are a highly sought-after way
    to satisfy your sexual cravings. These highly realistic sexdolls replicas come in different sizes, colors
    of eyes, and hairstyles.

  41. Posted by Sexual doll | April 2, 2022, 4:03 am

    Asian sex dolls are a popular erotic toy for both men and women. They can satisfy all Sexual doll desires and are
    made from high-end TPE materials.

  42. Posted by realistic sexdolls | April 2, 2022, 5:27 am

    Asian Japanese sex dolls make the sex experience more
    realistic sexdolls and enjoyable for both women and men. They’re a great and inexpensive alternative
    to actual partners.

  43. Posted by https://sexdolls67765.blogspothub.com | April 2, 2022, 5:36 am

    You can make your curvy Realsex dolls (https://sexdolls67765.blogspothub.com) sexier by having them pose.
    These dolls can be purchased with curved breasts either behind or in both.
    They look real and will attract potential owners who appreciate their size.

  44. Posted by https://asian-sex-dolls91100.smblogsites.com | April 2, 2022, 5:37 am

    Many men purchase Sex Dolls to play with their spouse.
    The goal of these dolls is to foster close relationships.

    The idea behind these toys is to allow the owner to express their sexuality and not being a
    victim of the consequences of doing so.

    Also visit my website … Cheapest sexdoll,
    https://asian-sex-dolls91100.smblogsites.com,

  45. Posted by Sexual Doll | April 2, 2022, 9:30 am

    Asian dolls for sex have become a very popular toy
    for both men and women. These erotic dolls are made of high-quality TPE and have various attributes that be a great
    option for satisfying any Sexual Doll urge.

  46. Posted by sexdoll-Cheap08494.Blogchaat.com | April 2, 2022, 9:43 am

    Asian Japanese sex dolls make sexual intimacy more fun and real for both women and men. They’re
    a low-cost and easy alternative to Real sex dolls (sexdoll-Cheap08494.Blogchaat.com) life relationships.
    They can fulfill the fantasies of both women and men and serve as an ideal partner.

  47. Posted by Sexual Doll | April 2, 2022, 11:00 am

    Asian sex dolls are an extremely popular erotic toy for both women and men. These erotic dolls are made with high-end TPE materials and have various attributes that make them the ideal option to satisfy every Sexual Doll craving.

  48. Posted by Sexdoll for men | April 2, 2022, 2:41 pm

    Posing your curvy sex toys will make them look more attractive.
    These dolls come with breasts that are curvy and behinds, or both.

    These toys are extremely realistic and are a
    great choice Sexdoll for men potential owners who
    like their dimensions.

  49. Posted by Window doctor Barnet | April 29, 2022, 9:42 pm

    If your windows are damaged or cracked, you may need to consider Window doctor Barnet glass replacement.
    These windows are often inefficient in terms energy efficiency.
    By replacing them with professionals, you
    will save quite a bit of dollars on your energy bill.

Post a comment