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Date Night Fails

Death By Cheese, aka Fondue Date Night

Wow. Who knew those Swiss were so hardcore about their cheese? I looked up our local Swiss Club for date night this week, in the hopes of trying some authentic fondue… I’ve never had it before, and neither has Den.

Let me start by getting one thing very clear: I love my cheese. I would eat cheese all day, every day if I possibly could. Soft, hard, aged, blue, stinky… however I can get it, I’m in. So you can imagine I was expecting something pretty spectacular when it came to fondue night.

And Den? Well, as it turns out Den was expecting something even more than spectacular when it came to fondue night. I didn’t twig at first, but on the way to the restaurant he asked ‘So there’s just the fondue in the middle of the room and you go up and dunk stuff into it?’ I told him that no, we would get our own fondue on the table. He looked impressed, and slightly confused. I let it go.
So we get to the restaurant and order the fondue (this date night went WAY over the $30 mark by the way, but you can definitely replicate at home for under the budget, or your own local Swiss restaurant (?) may have reasonable fondue prices). We’re told it’s two kinds of cheese and a LOT of schnapps, served only with bread (don’t they usually chop up veggies and meats and stuff with it? Or is that the Western world’s take on it?).

As the waitress brings the enormous, molten bowl of fondue over and sets it on the open flame, Den’s face falls. She walks away and he leans over ‘We got jibbed, huh?’

Fondue Date Night

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, where’s the three-tiered fountain?’

The poor guy! What a let-down! He was thinking of the chocolate fondue fountains you see so often at cocktail parties and thought that was the traditional Swiss way of preparing all fondues! And then I clicked! He thought that the Swiss Club would be sporting a HUGE cheese fountain of fondue in the middle of the room that you could walk up to and stick skewered food into!! Too cute.

As if the presentation wasn’t tainted enough for him, it soon became apparent that a meal of just bread and melted cheese laden with a litre of schnapps wasn’t really our cup of tea. I kid you not, I could’ve gotten woozy off the fumes alone! I think it would’ve been great if it wasn’t so potent!
After a few hunks of bread dipped in booze, we started to feel a bit heady – cheap drunks that we are!

It was hard to eat too much of… but we didn’t want to offend the Swiss and risk un-neutralising them! We battled on, and turned it into a drinking game! (Pure genius of me!). We played the ABC’s of Sex (courtesy of my iPhone DrinkingLite app) – the game goes like this: you start with the letter A and each person in the group (well, the two of us) says something sexual that starts with that letter. When someone can’t think of another sexy ‘A’ word, they “shoot” (or in our case, dunk a hunk of bread in the fondue and eat it), then you move on to ‘B’. We giggled like schoolgirls and blushed as we whispered dirty words to each other across the table… I did get rather enthusiastic at one point and shouted out ‘GANGBANG’ at the last second before forefeiting the G-round, so my apologies to the lovely, older Swiss gentleman that was minding his own business at the table next to us! By the time we got to H, we had lost the will to live and promptly abandoned the fondue.

All in all, a bit of a disaster of a meal but a funny date night nonetheless, which just goes to show that you make your own fun, assuming you’re both in a good mood with each other!

If you are going out for your fondue date night, I have to recommend the chocolate version. A hell of a lot more sexy…. Here is a great recipe, serve it up with cut fruit, marshmallows and sweet pastry, and make a rule that whoever drops a piece of food into the fondue has to remove an article of clothing, 70s style!

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Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.


2 comments for “Death By Cheese, aka Fondue Date Night”

  1. Posted by The Complete List of $30 Date Night Reviews! | $30 date night | Date Ideas, Marriage & Romance Blog | April 20, 2010, 1:16 pm

    [...] 19. Stargazing 20. Mineral Hot Springs 21. Jewish Holocaust Museum & The Immigration Museum 22. Fondue Date Night (aka Death by Cheese) 23. The Providore in Beechworth 24. Yum Cha 25. Cirque du Soleil (Tickets [...]

  2. Posted by 9 Fabulous Date Ideas Beginning with F | $30 date night | Date Ideas, Marriage & Romance Blog | May 13, 2010, 11:58 pm

    [...] is for F is for Fondue Stay home (nab a fondue set from someone) or go out and delve into a fondue dinner together. You know the rules for the home one – if a piece of bread falls in, you gotta remove an item of [...]

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