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Do You Scare Potential Relationships Off?

I’m all for forthright and honest communication. That said, I think there’s also something to be said for playing cards close to your chest sometimes. At least for a little while.

Not so for a girl I know, L.

L is a genius at scaring people off right off the bat, on account of her absolute upfront-ness about herself, her life, her innermost thoughts. She just doesn’t seem to possess the filters most people have when it comes to releasing private information. Unfortunately, it’s sent many a man racing in the opposite direction.

When it comes to building a relationship with someone (romantically inclined or otherwise), it seems there is an art to the slow reveal.

If you put out too much information of the pouring-your-heart-out kind too soon, you risk sending others running for the hills. Fact.

Scaring people off isn’t just the domain of the ladies. Many a man has suffered a case of first-date verbal diarrhoea too.

Yes, you may be heartbroken after your last girlfriend ran off with your brother, but as painful as that is, you don’t need to roll that particular story out on the first date. Or the second. Or even the third.

If you’ve just met someone, play it cool for awhile. Think of a striptease that starts naked. Where would you go from there?

One glove at a time is a much more enticing proposition. It’s intriguing, it sets the mood and it makes the audience wait breathlessly for more, instead of having them gasp with horror at the naked chick that just turned up in the middle of the room.

Sharing secrets with someone absolutely is a crucial part of building intimacy and trust.

Most couples naturally go through a flurry of information swapping in their early courtship. (Remember when you were a teenager? “What’s your favourite colour? Blue? That’s my favourite colour too!”)

Yes, self-disclosure is more than just our deepest thoughts and feelings. It’s everything from sharing your music preferences right through to long deep and meaningful conversations.

Knowing classified information about a person makes us feel closer to them. We also like people more if we know some of their secrets.

Curiously, we also like people more if we’ve shared secrets with them.

You can see why many people make the mistake of thinking that the more they can divulge upfront, the more liked they will be immediately.

But before you go hiring a skywriter to tell the world your secrets, remember this secret-divulging social custom depends on the perfect timing. One glove at a time.

Sound familiar? Do you do this? Have you been sent running by an over-eager beau?

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.


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