With the high fever of the world cup that has been going on the past weeks, it was only logical that F be for Football in the grand scheme of Alphabet Dating.
After all, it’s only us Australians and the US that call it soccer. To the rest of the world, it is Football.
You should know, I don’t go out for sports. They’re just not my thing.
I don’t play them (sadly, I, like 1 in 16 children worldwide, was born with a complete lack of hand-eye coordination. Which means if I try and get involved in ball sports, I usually cop a few bruises on the head. It’s a worthy cause, these unco children, and they should really start a charity for it. They could give out free helmets to nuffy children like I was to stop us getting concussions.), and damned if I’m going to waste time actually watching them when I could be doing productive things instead. Like shopping. Or drinking cocktails.
Except for soccer, once every four years. The world cup sees me turn into a huge Socceroos fan, which is how we found ourselves awake at 4am to catch Australia v Germany back in round one.
Rather than sitting in the comfort of our loungeroom, we thought it would be way more fun to get amongst the action down at Birrarung Marr, the parklands where they were screening the match live on big screens.
It was all good in theory, except for one thing. We arrived late. We arrived, in fact, just after Germany kicked their second goal against us.
There was no anticipation left in the air. There was no excitement of what might come. There was no geed-up crowd buzzing for Australia.
What there was, was 15,000 cold, tired, pissed off Australians wondering why they’d bothered getting out of their cosy beds in the dead of winter for this.
It’s hard to come back from a 2-0 score in soccer.
(As someone aptly pointed out on Twitter this week:
Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.)
Sigh. I think it would have been fun if we’d been out there a little earlier to soak up the anticipation and the atmosphere. I think it would’ve been fun if we’d bought some cash so we could grab an early breakfast snack and a coffee. I think it would’ve been fun if we hadn’t been freezing our butts off! A little bit of planning goes a long way, especially when you’re not thinking straight at 4am.
As it was, it was an okay date. We left early when we realised there was no chance at all of a comeback and we slept late that day because we’d had an interrupted night’s sleep.
So my advice, if you’re going to do a date like this one is to remember a few key things:
1. If you’re really not into sports, pick a match that has some significance. The Grand Final of the World Cup, The Super Bowl, Wimbledon, etc. At least that way when you go watch a live screening, it will be easy to get swept up in the atmosphere.
2. Jump in with two feet. Get to the match early, wear the team colours and if you’re at a baseball stadium, eat a hotdog. Embrace the traditions and you’ll enjoy it much more.
3. Place your own bets. If you have no real alliance to either of the playing teams, pick one each and place bets on the outcome. Household chores, cooking dinner and sexual favours are all good bartering chips. Then you will at least have some personal interest in barracking for your team to win.