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Married Life

Missing You

Den and I have been together long time. A long, long time. Longer than any of our previous relationships.

In dog years, we’re middle aged.

In Kardashian years, we should have been dead and buried ten times over already.

A month ago, he went away overseas. He’s not coming back for another whole month.

He’s gone for business, and for other work reasons I couldn’t go with him. We were okay with that.

Others not so much.

Could you do a two month stint away from your partner

“Two months?” we kept hearing. “You’re going to be apart for two whole months?”

The suspicion was palpable. I’m not sure what everyone was thinking. Divorce? Scandal? Relationship suicide?

In the grand scheme of things, two months doesn’t seem like a long time. We’re lucky that we have an end date already set – many couples do long distance for years without an end goal or much say in the matter.

We’re an independent couple who has never felt like we had to live in each other’s pockets. We didn’t really understand why people were getting so upset on our behalf.

We knew we would miss each other, but that was certainly nothing to stop us. In fact, the second the flights were booked something great happened – we instantly became nicer towards each other.

I waffle on a lot about couples taking each other for granted, and let me tell you, there’s nothing to remind you what you have quite knowing they’re about to leave you for an extended period of time.

The weeks leading up to his departure were bliss.

Instead of rushing around first thing every day, we would laze in bed a little longer. We were quick to get over little arguments, realising there’s more to life than bickering over who exactly put the toast crumbs in the butter.

And then he left. And, I’m going to be honest with you… I fell apart a little bit.

My reaction was completely unexpected – well, to me anyway.

I was quite literally panic-struck at the thought of not having him around for nine long weeks.

It didn’t help that the night before he left, the universe decided to really reinforce the message by nearly burning our house down. I’m categorically not the one that deals with faulty fuse boxes. I suddenly realised how much I rely on him.

After dropping him at the airport with a short and sharp goodbye at the door, I promptly fell to pieces for a few days.

I felt like I was trying to do the Oxfam without a support team – trekking a huge hill all on my own.

Acting this way was completely foreign to me, but upon reflection I realised it had never lived on my own before – there have always been flatmates, family or partners with me.

A luxurious weekend alone in your house is a very different thing from night after night of aloneness stretching ahead of you.

And I’m going to make sure we do it more often.

After the initial shock of feeling abandoned and unsure, I settled back down and began to enjoy myself, and my time to myself.

It’s a grounding and re-centring experience, being away from your partner for a length of time. It doesn’t have to be two months, but a week or two every now and then wouldn’t go astray.

I’ve learned how to be on my own again, and to enjoy my own company.

It’s reminded me that I’m my own individual person who can do what she wants, when she wants, without needing to tell or consult anyone else first.

It shows up all the small unconscious compromises you naturally fall into when you live with another person, so you can decide if you want to keep living like that or change back to your own preferences on things like bedtime, what and when you eat dinner and what music you’re playing in the house.

It’s reminded me also that I am a perfectly capable human who can do things like change the flat battery instead of playing damsel in distress and letting a man do it for me (Thank god no spiders have shown up yet, though).

It’s really made me appreciate what I feel for Den and how much a part of my world he really is. Sure, it can be tough in a relationship sometimes but I am much happier with him around then when he is gone.

And that is the best part of it all.

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.


2 comments for “Missing You”

  1. Posted by Jade Craven | March 15, 2012, 11:04 am

    This is something that i’ve been talking to my partner about. I know that I have to travel – perhaps for extended periods of time – and it’s not necessarily something that interests him. We’ve already had the talks about what to do.

    We’re in this for the long run and he’s cool with me spending extended time away from him if I need to travel. We only spend 2 days together a week but we are cool if someone needs to do something on those days. I know how we do things will lead to comments but it works and it allows us to have independent, happy lives in addition to enjoying our time together.

    Granted, I’ll probably plan travel around his interests in the short term ;) LA, for movies, Japan, for geekdom and Cardiff for Doctor who. Mwah-ha!

  2. Posted by Sayuri | May 28, 2012, 3:15 am

    I’ve been thinking about this quoiestn since you posted it. Thanks for asking the quoiestns that are lingering in the hearts and minds of many. I often wish that the Bible was more explicit covering the details of our lives. But, it is not. (Kuddos to Adam for nailing that down in his response.) I guess that’s one of the reasons we need a relationship of Faith with the Author of the Word! I think my answer is two-fold for the couple that’s headed toward marriage but doesn’t have that faith-based relationship, the issue for them doesn’t revolve around their sexual choices they need Jesus (as we all do). Therefore, I love wretched1 s response don’t drive them away from the hospital. For the believing couple it would be hard (not impossible) to stop practicing an act that is not sanctioned by God as we look at the principles that He has laid out for us. But, (supposing I had a relationship of love and respect for the couple) I would council them to stop and wait since the Word makes it clear that if we know what to do and do not do it it is sin. I would remind the couple that forgiveness and restoration is always available for us at the throne of grace and a new beginning will possibly prepare the way for them to continue to make wise choices. In my life I’ve seen that continuing in an area of sin easily becomes a pattern in other areas, and I’ve seen that the slide of temptation and sin always lead to death (thanks Pastor James for teaching that truth), and death is not a good way to start the beginning of a beautiful relationship between man and wife.

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