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mX Column: Damn Smug Morning People

I hate morning people. They’re always so freakin’ smug. Me? I am, categorically, not a morning person.

I resent getting out of bed before 9am. It takes me hours to wake up properly and God help you if you try anything smart with me before I’ve had a coffee.

Nothing is more annoying than a chirpy early bird who has been up for hours before I’ve barely cracked open an eyelid.

Damn Smug Morning People

You know, the kind that trills: “What do you mean you’re only getting up? You would’ve missed that gorgeous sunrise. I’ve already been to the gym, eaten a pancake breakfast, done the week’s shopping and created world peace!”

Sheesh.

It’s a fact (no really, a real life fact) that some people are genetically programmed to be their best at night while others perform better in the early hours of the day.

It makes you wonder, can morning larks and night owls ever comfortably share a nest?

Think about it: If you’re constantly at your best at opposite times of the day, it’s difficult to relate to each other in the best way – apart from between the hours of, say, 2pm-4pm. But most of us are busy at our office jobs then.

Mismatched morning larks and night owls are more likely to bicker with each other, spend less time in serious conversation or shared activities and – here’s the really painful bit – have significantly less sex. Ouch.

My last boyfriend was a morning person (that ended well!). The kind who hit me with business questions as soon as I was awake and expected well thought-out answers.

The kind who would shoot withering glances my way, implying silently that my reticence to seize the day was holding me (and somehow him) back from the world.

But you know what?

Come 9pm, morning people are useless – comatose on the couch, catching up on the hours of sleep they missed in the ay-em.

It’s these precious late hours when I do my best work. In the hours before midnight, I’ve been known to clean the house from top to bottom, write 1000-word articles and even do my tax.

The good news is, if you find yourself on opposite timetables, you can work hard to adjust your body clock with understanding, acceptance, enough time, the help of a few melatonin supplements and sheer determination.

Just make sure he or she is worth synchronising watches for.

Then you just need to decide which partner will come to the dark side.

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.

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