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mX Column: The ‘We’ Couple

I wrote just recently about how people lose, on average, two good friends once they fall in love.

One of the theories about ditching those friends goes that once you’re in a relationship, you probably don’t have enough time to spend with your friends to maintain close bonds.

The We Couple

You know what really gets my proverbial goat?

Those people who get into a relationship and suddenly become a ‘we’ instead of a ‘me’.

Dialogues between friends begin to go something like this:

“Hi babe, can we do brunch this Sunday? Haven’t seen you in ages! Love to catch up.”

“Sure, we’ll be there at 10”

We? We’ll be there.

Suddenly, your bestie’s new squeeze is turning up all over the place. And no one seems to realise they’re about as unwelcome as a rash.

Your conversations are hijacked, you have to stop and explain back-stories to your new audience member… they look at you like you’re Kim Jong-il when you crack black-humour jokes.

It’s not that you never want to hang out with your friends’ partners.

But when they drag them along every single time you catch up, when do you leave time for your original relationship to flourish?

It’s no wonder their friends back away slowly from the new two-headed, eight-limbed monster that is forming before their eyes.

Are you guilty of being a ‘we’? I hope not, because quite frankly – they creep me out a little.

The ‘we’s are the ones that ask you with concern if “everything’s okay” with you and your partner when you turn up solo to happy hour.

The “we”s are the ones that say things like “I can’t possibly bear to be away from my snookums overnight! I would just shrivel up with sadness.’

They wear co-ordinated outfits, finish each other’s sentences and have joint Facebook accounts.

A little healthy distance, people, never hurt anyone. Give yourselves time to miss each other.

The “we”s are also the ones who, at the end of their relationship, find themselves with no friends left to lean on, because they’ve scared them all off.

Time apart gives you time to pursue your own interests, makes for great conversation pieces between you and your sweetie when you do regroup and best of all, it will help refresh your feelings towards your partner.

If you have a friend that just can’t seem to tear themselves away from their partner, try instituting “boy’s nights” or “girlie weekends” to draw them out of their cocoon built for two.

Let them know how much you enjoy spending time just with them and hope like hell they take the hint!

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.

Discussion

2 comments for “mX Column: The ‘We’ Couple”

  1. Posted by Jaded Vixen | December 2, 2010, 12:24 pm

    Emma,
    Once again you’ve hit the nail on the head. But what is the ‘we’ isn’t a friend but a family member and you can’t drift away from them?

  2. Posted by Emma | December 2, 2010, 12:32 pm

    Hey JV – glad you like the article!

    I find family members can be a little more upfront with each other… after years of practice pulling each others’ hair when you were kids, there’s usually the kind of relationship there where you can tell them they’re acting like a douche (maybe choose your words more carefully than I have here!) and they’ll take it on the chin.

    Sure, there might be a bit of an argument at first but they’ll come ’round. Try just being honest – you miss one-on-one family time with them… can just the two of you catch up?

    Good luck!

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