Revenge: A Dish Best Served Cold

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Relationship Advice

Revenge: A Dish Best Served Cold

By Emma ⋅ January 12, 2011 ⋅ Post a comment

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

And it does seem to be the women that are particularly good at exacting revenge.

It’s easy to fly into a temper when your partner does something wrong by you. Something really wrong, I mean. Like cheating. Lying. Stealing.

Any damage to the ego seems to result in calls for revenge.

One woman, years ago, heard her radio DJ husband flirting on air with a model (not for the first time). He told her he would leave his wife and kids for her. By the time he’d wrapped up his show and arrived home, all his possessions were on the front lawn and his $45,000 Lotus convertible had been sold on eBay by his wife (who had the car in her name) for $1. “I’m sick of him disrespecting this family,” she said “You can have the car, I just need it out of the driveway in 2 hours before he gets home.” Yee-owch.

Other stories have emerged via Twitter and the Interwebs. The woman who found out her boyfriend was on a 2-week holiday with his mistress, rather than a work trip as he’d claimed, scattered his apartment with sprout seeds, watered them then turned up the thermostat. He arrived home to a new grassy knoll in his house.

Another clever woman was kicked out of her fiancee’s house so he could move his new lover in. Before she left, she hid prawns in the airconditioning vents and the curtain rods. Smelly revenge!

While these are all fun to hear (when it’s not you involved!), here are some things to consider before you go getting all Lorena Bobbitt:

1. Try not to do anything in the heat of the moment or you may end up doing something you seriously regret – like breaking the law, or hurting someone very badly.

One particularly damaged lady I found on a forum admitted to a long string of small revenges against her boyfriend over 8 years. If he annoyed her, she would clean the toilet with his toothbrush or put Ipacol in his drinks. Now that’s just cruel, and awful. And potentially dangerous.

There are countless lawsuits against jilted exes. Don’t turn a bad decision into a jail sentence or a huge fine. That definitely won’t make you feel better.

2. Let them have it! If your partner has really hurt you, it’s no use bottling the feelings up or they really will manifest into something big and awful. Elegant, harmless revenge is the way to go. Throw things onto the front lawn, smash plates while you give them a serve.

If you must get vengeance, be creative. Don’t deface property, don’t throw paint on car interiors, don’t slander them to everyone they know (unless they really deserve it).

One girl I heard about via twitter cut every single button off every shirt and suit in her boyfriend’s cupboard. Now that’s annoying and cathartic, sure. But it’s not going to land you in court.

3. Don’t expect that it will make you feel better. In fact, taking revenge can make you feel worse. When we’ve been hurt, revenge is an instinctive way for us to regain control of a situation, and for a little while you probably do feel better about being back in the driver’s seat.

But be careful, because in the long run you may not only feel bad about the break up, but you may feel bad about how you’ve behaved as well.

4. I love this quote that someone told me years ago: “Resentment is like eating rat poison, hoping the other person will die.” Revenge only helps resentment build up. It festers. It’s more likely you’ll give yourself stomach cancer, than inflict any real harm on the person you’re targeting. Tell yourself they’re not worth it and walk away, leave it behind you.

Plus, I’m a big believer in Karma. Walking away will leave any revenge in Karma’s hands, while still keeping your own cosmic dues intact.

Are you the vengeful type? Or the walk-away-and-be-the-bigger-person type? Any good revenge stories to share?