Equality between the sexes has come a long way. But even after decades of increasingly fairer pay, job roles, rights and more, we’re still stuck on one area in particular…
The big question is: should girls ask guys out?
As a woman, I think I can safely speak for a vast majority when I say we love to be courted: approached and asked out, taken on dates, paid for (at least the first time) and plied with flowers and romantic kisses on doorsteps.
Does this need to change in the wake of a more equal footing between men and women, or are we destined to keep playing into our hardwired biochemistry, letting women sit and wait – all dolled up and clearly sending off “come talk to me” signals – while the man runs in circles to impress her.
It was a question that came up during a panel discussion I was part of recently: Do guys want girls to do the asking?
While I’m usually a traditionalist, I’ve broken my personal code a couple of times to approach a guy I fancied about a date or a phone number, or even to try and escalate a romantic situation to the next level.
It’s never worked out for me. And man, does that rejection sting. Years later, I can still feel it. I quickly decided I don’t have the constitution for it.
Women tend to hash things over in their minds, analysing and replaying scenarios to see what we could have done better. Being the angsty type, I drove myself crazy. How exhausting.
Some quick research will tell you that the language we use around women who make the first move isn’t exactly flattering.
Despite our supposedly egalitarian society, a woman asking a man out is often labelled “aggressive” or “desperate”, to name a couple of choice adjectives.
(Funny how we don’t think of guys as “aggressive” just for asking us out.)
For all the strong language bandied around, some men insist they would love to be asked out by a woman.
Ask the men in your life if they would like to be asked out by a girl. The resounding answer I heard is “yes!”
Sometimes that “yes” comes with caveats – “But I wouldn’t want it all the time” or “But she can’t take the lead for the whole relationship.”
Though, I can’t help but get the feeling these men just want us to experience the rejection and anxiety they go through and that nothing really comes of it past that.
“It gets old very fast doing the chasing,” says S. “Whatever happened to equality?”
And really, who can blame guys for wanting to share the responsibility around?
I asked some advice of a guy that should know: Dating Coach from The Natural Lifestyles, Liam McRae.
As he explained, it’s all about picking your audience. Shy guys love to be asked out as it takes the responsibility off their shoulders.
With showy Alpha guys, however, the situation needs a bit more manipulation. It’s about letting him feel like he’s making all the moves even though the girl might be pulling all the strings – get yourself co-incidentally left alone together, place yourself near him at the bar so he can easily chat to you, etc.
But in general… “My advice in most situations would be for the girl to go ahead and ask the guy out. Most men are pretty clueless when it comes to taking hints and making a move anyway.
On top of that, many guys hold back on asking women out or making a move even if they like her, disguising their fear of rejection as them ‘respecting women’…which is just even more confusing to women.”
There you have it ladies, if you want something you might just have to go out and get it yourself. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Yes, girls should ask guys out. Go right ahead!
What do you think?