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The Break Up We Have to Have

Well guys, this is kind of awkward.

I wish I could do it in person and face-to-face, rather than sending you a memo like this. I think every break up deserves that at least.

So, I’m sorry to take the coward’s way out.

But I’ve always been better at organising my thoughts on paper anyway. If I were standing in front of you right now, I’d probably fumble and stutter. And cry. And then you’d cry, and then we’d all be crying.

After three years of this column, it’s time for me to say goodbye.

It’s not you, it’s me.

And maybe we can still be friends?

You should know, I’ve loved researching and writing every word along the way. The thing about romance is that everyone has a love story.

Everyone has either been in love, or is looking for love, or has been scarred by love, or perhaps has even turned their back on love.

Love is always a good conversation starter.

I’ve heard funny stories and sad stories and touching stories and miraculous stories. Every one of them a love story in its own right.

So, this Flirt page will be retired in 2013. And my column along with it.

I’m still around, however. Perhaps we’ll run into each other sometime. I still blog at ThirtyDollarDateNight.com (ED: right here!) and you can find me on Twitter @30dollardate.

Before I sign off one last time, I wanted to share some of the more poignant lessons about love and relationships that I’ve learned so far.

It’s really just a random collection of thoughts. But it’s what I know:

  • Love at first sight is entirely possible. But a slow-growing love is more common, and longer-lasting. Let love grow on you slowly, and the flame will burn steadily and with serious stamina.
  • Cinderella lied to us. Books and movies continue to lie to us. No one just walks off into the sunset to live Happily Ever After. Relationships take work. If your relationship isn’t perfect, congratulations. Neither is anyone else’s. Don’t throw it away. Fix it. The grass is almost never greener on the other side.
  • The first year of a marriage is the hardest. What makes it harder still, is that you’re expecting that Happily Ever After (see point above) – don’t worry, it gets better. And better.
  • If your partner is a jerk, or they are emotionally, mentally or physically abusive, they will not change. You can’t transform people, not fundamentally. Your relationship with yourself is more important. We accept the love we think we deserve (Thank you, Perks of Being a Wallflower for that gem). You deserve to be happy.
  • Play nice! It’s a rough world out there. You don’t need to make heartbreak and rejection worse by being mean about it. Let people down gently. Smile more often. Be a delight to talk to. Borrow Google’s mission statement and stick to it: Do No Evil.
  • Online dating will not go away. Technology, for better or worse, will continue to wedge itself into our relationships. This is fine, so long as we use it to aid and abet our romantic endeavours and not to destroy them. If you are dating online, meet in the real world as soon as humanly possible. Emails are no substitute for actual interactions.
  • And finally, to all the lovers: hang in there. Through the good times and the bad. Recognise what you have when it’s in front of you and don’t take it for granted. Some things, you are only keenly aware of once you no longer have them.

Anything you’d like to add? Feel free below.

Have a safe and wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone.

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.

Discussion

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