MX Columns
mX Column: The Etiquette of Dating
What has happened to manners?
It seems everyone is so busy these days that there is no time for niceties – returning emails, RSVPing to parties and even saying thank you have fallen by the wayside.
When it happens with friends, we can understand, kiss and make up.
In dating, however, bad manners are unforgivable.
I was out one night (eons ago) in a bar, having a table-dancing, heel-kicking great time with a bunch of girlfriends. Cue entry of cute blond. He busy me a drink, we chat for awhile and even sneak in a pash.
He secures my number and I prance away. I don’t hear from him that night, or the next. I don’t wait by the phone and I don’t wonder why he isn’t calling. I don’t really care.
Two weeks later, I have all but forgotten him.
Then, weeks after the fact, I receive a text message on a Sunday afternoon:
“Hey, it’s M. I met you the other week at that club. I just wanted to ask if you would feel like having some casual sex with me?”
I’m floored. This isn’t even a late-Saturday-night drunk booty call. This is just bad judgment. And downright rude.
I send a text back:
“What, you don’t even ask a girl out for a drink first?”
And a few minutes later:
“Oh. Sorry. Would you like to have a drink first?”
No, thank you, M. I wouldn’t.
More stories of bad manners emerged from my Tweet stream.
One girl found herself on a date with a guy who took his gum out of his mouth and stuck it under the table at the restaurant.
Another’s date turned up blind drunk, forgot his wallet, abused the wait staff and promptly threw up on the footpath in front of the restaurant on their way out the door – and then had the nerve to ask for a second date!
So who, or what, is responsible?
For a start, SMS.
Faceless technology has made it easy for people to say things they would have trouble saying one-on-one.
We aren’t born with manners. They must be learned and, unfortunately, it requires a modicum of effort to conduct yourself with proper etiquette.
But it’s worth it to learn them – especially in the dating world, where first impressions are king.
Here’s a few from Emma’s Manners 101 Textbook.
1. Call when you say you will call. Or at least have the courage to call and say you won’t be calling. Never SMS. It shows a lack of character.
2. Don’t get drunk on the first (or second, or third) date – no matter how nervous you are. You might think you’re being hilarious and articulate, but you’re really just being an idiot.
3. Even if you both do just want no-strings-attached sex, a little bit of respect goes a long way (and makes for way better sex!).
These aren’t the only three, of course. Feel free to add your own dating etiquette tips or share your nightmare dating stories here.
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Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.
Discussion
4 comments for “mX Column: The Etiquette of Dating”
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Manners and a touch of class never go out of style.
Guys – clean your shoes, don’t chew gum (have some mints on hand if you need to) and don’t have your jeans half way down your backside, just looks ridiculous.
Girls – same for the shoes and gum and also, before venturing out in your ultra cute mini, sit down in front of a mirror to see if you are flashing at all – not a good look.
I’m floored by the text of casual sex.
First off, why get someone’s number if you are not going to use it (besides the causal sex request). I’ll tell a guy who asks for my number, nope, not interested. I’m doing him a favor. You know.
So why can’t guys do the same? If a guy doesn’t ask for your number, he’s actually telling you something. If he does and doesn’t use it, what does that mean?
I share your horror stories in probably more ways then one. I have a dating web series about it. Below is the link if you want to check it out.
http://www.partygirlplusone.com/category/web-series-episodes/
or google Party Girl Plus One – basically chronicles my dating diary. We all share the same stories, I’m sure…how we find these people, I have no idea.
Cheers!
Jen
I couldn’t agree more..
It’s guys like this the give the rest of us a bad name. I’m a firm believer that romance isn’t dead, even in the midst of 2010 we’re social skills do often involve ‘faceless technology’.
As long as there are still some of us who believe in just being yourself, respecting a woman, without playing these cold dating games.
Here’s to the old school gentlemen…
Cheers
Robert
I agree with most of your article, but I’m kind of curious about:
“3. Even if you both do just want no-strings-attached sex, a little bit of respect goes a long way (and makes for way better sex!).”
Er… logically-speaking, using each other for no-strings-attached sex is still just using each other. When is using someone else ever respectful? Even if you both agree to use and be used, well, it’s still not really respectful to either of you. So… why complain about not getting the niceties that indicate respect when the entire situation is based on mutual disrespect in the first place?
I mean, I think the guy’s text was completely out of line, but he WAS just calling a spade a spade. If he had been “polite,” it would have just been a lie.