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Are the Days of First Dates Over?

For all the pressure put on the occasion, first dates are never a good indicator of the raging success of a relationship.

There are so many rules surrounding this most daunting of dating customs. We’re told we must stand out from the crowd – choose a unique venue, say the right things, wear the right thing. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Never sleep with your date on the first night.

How many couples out there have even had a traditional first date?

Are first dates passe?

Forget 50 first dates. My husband and I didn’t have a real first date until our fiftieth date.

We just clean skipped the courting part of the relationship.

We started as friends, graduated to flirting and may or may not have (read: absolutely did) started fooling around with each other long before we made anything official.

As a result, it was nearly a year into our relationship when someone asked at a dinner party what we had done for our first date, stopping us dead in our tracks as we realised we’d cheated ourselves out of the ritual altogether.

The very next Friday night, my flatmate opened the front door to find my man standing there with a bunch of roses and a box of chocolates, awkward and sweet all at once.

He whisked me to a restaurant and so our first date was, we now tell people, at a little Mexican joint, months after we’d technically started “dating”.

There is so much grey area in relationships today that it’s hard to tell where a friendship ends and the first flutter of romance begins:

M and her man don’t agree when it comes to their first date.

There was the night he bought tickets to a symphony, walked her home via a cosy wine bar and they snuck a kiss at the front door – the perfect first date by any woman’s standards.

Then there was the next night at the trendy local gastro pub, which he considers their first official date.

Somehow, the Vivaldi beats the veal in my book. M and all her girlfriends agree.

Either version of the truth works – in the end, they’re together now and that’s all that matters.

A great first date is not a prerequisite for a great relationship.

Really, the carefully constructed first date isn’t always a good insight into who you are hooking up with anyway.

Too much pressure can do funny things to a person. Add alcohol and nervous chattering into the equation and the lines between charming and unhinged can become blurred.

Don’t mourn the absence of your own first date fairytale. Really, the ritual serves for just two things – to check compatibility and chemistry between two people.

If you can manage to do that forced niceties, enduring endless nights of bad conversation, or trying to sneak out from under an outstretched arm in a movie theatre, then I salute you.

When was your last traditional first date? Did you and your partner even have one?

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Author |

Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.


4 comments for “Are the Days of First Dates Over?”

  1. Posted by Melissa | April 17, 2012, 5:12 am

    My husband and I did most of our relationship long distance, so we didn’t have very many traditional dates. I think our first traditional date was on our one year anniversary of dating.

  2. Posted by Emma | April 17, 2012, 11:57 am

    How did you meet, Melissa?

  3. Posted by Wajahat A Abbasi | April 24, 2012, 1:00 pm

    Emma, very nicely written.

  4. Posted by Wedding Entertainment Melbourne | July 21, 2012, 4:00 am

    My husband as well as I did a lot of our union very long distance, so you didn’t have really numerous traditional dates. I think our very own 1st traditional big date was actually in our very own one 12 months anniversary of dating.

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