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Married Life

Denis! You can’t be friends with your Ex-Girlfriend!

You cannot speak to your Ex!

I’m friends with an ex – well she wasn’t technically a girlfriend, just someone I knocked socks with for quite some time.

We weren’t always friends… around the time I began knocking socks with Emma the Ex walked out of my life – not because of Emma, just cause it was time to let that part go. For a few years we didn’t speak and then slowly we started talking and in no time we were good friends again. We would catch up for coffee or a bite to eat on a regular basis – that was until recently.

Most of my friends are shocked that I catch up with an ex – my little sister in particular! She believes that what was in the past should remain the past and that Emma doesn’t need that kind of tension within our marriage.

But being friends with an ex doesn’t cause tension in our marriage. One thing I’ve noticed that is remarkably different in the relationship with Emma as opposed to previous ones is the trust I have in her – and vice versa.

I think it’s the trust that makes this marriage so easy. There aren’t rules that dictate who she can be friends with, or that she cannot go out without me and there are no curfews. Emma can do what she likes as long as communication remains open so I know that she’s safe – and she doesn’t make me look like a fool. Emma gives me this freedom as well.

Let it be known – Emma and I are very firm that cheating within the marriage is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. Ok, there is one rule!

Up until recently the friendship with the Ex was great – when we met up we had fun, a lot of laughs and a good ear to talk to. It’s like we’re cut from the same mould, the friendship was easy and genuine…. until, her boyfriend decided that he couldn’t handle it anymore and told her that he wants her to stop seeing me. (Here, check out what Em’s says about people cut from the same mould and having more than one Soul-Mate)

The Ex says that there were fights over it, yelling and crying… her boyfriend just couldn’t see the point in us catching up. The end result was a goodbye over text message.

It’s strange for me not to get what I want – I usually find a way to make things work out the way I want to – but in this situation I have let go of a friendship that I cared about. It blows my mind that I have said goodbye to this friendship for a guy that I have no attachment to, for a guy that I’ve only met once… briefly! Usually I would have steamed rolled over someone who is in my way – but in this instance I did not. Her phone number has been deleted and she is no longer a friend on Facebook.

Personally… I think this whole saga is a shame. I think it could have worked out fine.

What do you think? Would you allow your partner to be friends with an ex?

Are there RULES / CONDITIONS in your relationship?

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Discussion

6 comments for “Denis! You can’t be friends with your Ex-Girlfriend!”

  1. Posted by D | January 27, 2010, 6:22 am

    I am still friends with an ex, my first love actually, and now my husband and he are friends also! At first, this felt more weird for ME than him…but its all good now. We live in different countries, but they fb chat & skype (far more than I do with the Ex). So, I think a big part of being able to be friends with an Ex is being secure in your marriage/relationship to allow the friendship with the Ex to form new boundaries and continue on.

  2. Posted by jolene | January 28, 2010, 5:40 am

    i totally agree with you guys,there should be no rules, you dont own a person your together cause you love them and want to be in each others lives, as long as your being open and truthful and doing the right thing there is no problem, your with your current partner/wife cause you want to be. if you wanted to be with the x thats where you still would be. I would be more disappointed that your friend cut you off for such a wanker who obviously is insecure in himself and taking it out on her and destroying her friendships she has made with people. its natural to feel jealousy at some stages we are only human but there is a point where that can go overboard and your friends boyfriend has done that!!!

  3. Posted by Scott | January 28, 2010, 5:26 pm

    I am still friends with my ex (of 2 years) from a 5 year relationship it makes it difficult sometimes whilst i am in a relationship for my current partner, but i somehow manage to make it work.

    I think it has alot to do with insecurities and trust issues with partners, especially in fresh relationships.

    She (my ex) is not someone i would ever go back to or slip up with. She is however someone that i have been through alot with in the past and someone i would like to think would be there for me as a friend in the future as i would for her.

    So i believe you can be friends with an ex!

  4. Posted by Jamis Begby | January 29, 2010, 7:03 am

    What you had is rare and unfortunately it seams a shame that it was cut short, however it does point out that the trust in their relationship doesn’t seem as strong, so ya never know she may contact you again in the future. It also shows the strength in your marriage which I’m excited to … See moresee and commend you on. In general talking with ex’s don’t seem to bring much joy to current relationships, jealousy is a bitch but I think the odd catch up hear and there is ok, but a weekly thing is not..

  5. Posted by Srinivasan | July 11, 2010, 6:21 pm

    Being friends with an Ex is the most natural thing but we have this primitive gene being carried within us that makes friendship between a man and women suspect.

  6. Posted by Alex from marriage relationship | August 27, 2010, 5:56 pm

    For me being friend with an Ex is not that big deal as long as I know deep inside me that it’s just purely friend relationship. Though, most of the time, people will think negatively about you since you were in a romantic relationship before. I do have an Ex friend and we are still hanging out together with our cycle of friends and it seems normal for us, just one thing guys, know your limitations while being friend with an Ex. There are cases that one will really tease you or even seduce you, I know it’s normal, yeah, for singles, for a not attach individuals, but for those who have present romantic relationship, BEWARE and know your limitations as a human being.

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