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Date Night Reviews

Date Review: Huxtaburger

Hot Beef, Cold Beer at Huxtaburger

Huxtaburger has been the name on every Melburnian foodie’s lips lately.

Devotees of the new burger joint are effusive – Instagram-washed arty pictures of burgers are plastered all over my Facebook stream (and I’ve added a few here for your own viewing pleasure).

I myself had but a tiny taste on my way into the adjacent Bill’s Bar on opening night, ducking back out to the fluorescent-lit grill for a teeny-tiny Rudy burger ($5, meant for kids) before slipping back in the secret door to finish my outrageously well-priced Yamakazi whisky ($9 for all their spirits y’all… but that’s a whole other date review).

And even though I had that fleeting morsel of burger months ago… I couldn’t get it off my mind.

Every night I found myself out on the town, I would start scheming a way to make it back to Huxtaburger for another one. I was consumed.

Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they bake crack into their buns. It would certainly explain a lot.

There is no elegant way to eat a burger

I finally got there on date night with Den, dragging him with me to sample the Huxtawares.

Modelled on a traditional American burger joint, the venue itself is small and bright.

Hot Beef, Cold Beer. That’s their motto. Sounds good to me.

There are only five burgers to choose from, all named for members of the Cosby family.

The Huxtaburger ($8) is your classic cheeseburger, the Bill ($10) includes bacon, egg, pineapple and beetroot and then there’s Denise ($9) – the hot one, complete with jalapeno and sriracha mayo.

We both opted for the Huxtaburger and it was delicious. It’s a juicy Wagyu meat pattie, sandwiched with buns that are a little bit sweet – sourced from a top secret Asian bakery somewhere, apparently – and drizzled with sauces are spot-on.

Hot Beef, Cold Beer at Huxtaburger

You may have to wait in line out the front for awhile to nab a table, such is the popularity of this place. Thankfully, the turnover is fast because we all know it doesn’t take long to smash down a burger.

Alternatively, grab your burgers to go and head to a nearby park area (there’s one about half a block away behind Smith Street) for a picnic.

If you’re eating there, you can grab a cold can of beer or a wine to wash it all down. A side of crinkle cut fries doesn’t go astray either.

It’s within the $30 limit for sure, but this is a fast and furious date, over before you even know it. Plan for something else to do afterwards to pad your date out.

Huxtaburger is open from 11.30am daily, so if you go for lunch you can spend your afternoon window-shopping on Smith Street, or wander the short distance to Proud Mary for a late afternoon coffee.

If it’s dinner, perhaps blow the budget a little more and head to a nearby bar afterwards for a drink or two together. For a right-next-door bar option, finding the hidden door to Bill’s Bar within Huxtaburger will score you some kudos, or Dirty Secrets is not far away for a speakeasy with a great cocktail option – go there between 5pm and 7pm to sample a Tommy’s Margarita for only $10.

Where: 106 Smith Street, Collingwood
Good to know: Cash only

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Writer, dating columnist, wife, coffee addict, foodie, fashionista... Melburnian through and through. Muser, dancer, blogger, tweeter. Likes to get her head on telly now and again. Sleeper, dreamer, a sucker for romance. And of course... a cheap date.


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